Deciding whether or not to divorce is an incredibly difficult and personal decision.  I’m sorry you’re in the difficult place of contemplating whether or not to exit your marriage. As a divorce attorney in Alaska, I have worked with literally hundreds of individuals going through the end of their marriage and each one was different in their own way.  This reminds me of the famous Tolstoy quote from the beginning of Anna Karenina: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

From my perspective as a divorce attorney, here are five things to consider before making the decision to file:

1. How long have you been together with your spouse?
   It’s important to note that I say “together with”—not just “married to”—your spouse. In Alaska, the time you spend living together before marriage can impact how property is divided during a divorce. Under certain legal theories, property acquired while cohabitating may be considered part of the marital estate. For instance, the courts may determine that you and your spouse were in a domestic partnership before marriage, which can affect property division.If you move in together while planning to get married, the property you acquire during that time could also be classified as marital property through a legal concept called “transmutation.” Additionally, the timing of your separation is crucial. Depending on the facts surrounding your decision to leave, the court may treat that as the official date of separation. This matters because any significant assets or debts acquired after that date may be considered separate rather than marital property.

   If you haven’t been married long, you could walk away without having to divide things like your retirement contributions if the court finds the marriage hasn’t been very long and the requirements under the case Rose v. Rose have been met.

   When it comes to marriage and divorce, timing isn’t just a detail—it can shape the entire outcome of your case. Understanding how the length of your relationship affects property rights can be critical when making decisions about your future.
   
   

2. Has there been domestic violence in your relationship?
   If so, is the perpetrator making an earnest effort to repair his or her behavior?  Recidivism rates are high in domestic violence perpetrators, and it usually takes victims an average of seven attempts to leave before finally doing so.  Recidivism in domestic violence refers to the likelihood that an offender will commit further acts of abuse after an initial incident or intervention. It is a significant concern because domestic violence often follows a cyclical pattern, where abusive behavior tends to repeat and escalate over time if left unaddressed. Understanding the factors contributing to domestic violence recidivism is essential for creating effective prevention and intervention strategies.When considering if you want to divorce from a domestic violence relationship, you are not alone. The decision is made particularly difficult given the fact that many abusers threaten their victims with physical violence or financial ruin if efforts are made to separate or divorce.  But no one should live in fear of this retaliation, and if your domestic violence perpetrator poses a serious safety risk to you and/or is not showing serious efforts to reform, consider your best options to protect yourself.
   
   
3. How much do you know about your spouse’s finances?Do you have any idea how much money your spouse has?  What are your conversations like with him or her about savings, investments, and retirement accounts? Are you on all credit cards?  Could he or she be hiding something from you?  One positive about filing for divorce is that you become entitled to request through the process of discovery information about your spouses accounts and finances.  If you have questions or doubts about your spouse’s finances and cannot trust the answers given, it might be time to file and find out what’s really going on. 
4. Do you have a new place to go?
   In a divorce proceeding, it’s not guaranteed which spouse will gain interim possession of the marital residence.   This is often a big problem for disadvantaged spouses, who cannot qualify or afford a rental pending the resolution of the divorce.  Sometimes, it’s important to be strategic about when you file so that you have a plan lined up in case taking up possession of the marital residence.
   
   
5. What does your heart tell you?
   If you solicit opinions from others about if you should separate from your spouse or not, everyone is going to have something to say about it, but ultimately, only you know what’s right for you—no matter what. Trust yourself.

Alaska is a no-fault divorce state, meaning the court system isn’t going to decide for you who is the villain and who is the hero in your relationship. Many people are often frustrated to hear that things like infidelity, bad behavior (absent domestic violence and serious physical abuse) are often not considered by the courts when evaluating property division.